Now I know this one is way off topic but I laughed my butt off when I first read this.現在我知道這是一方式小康的話題，但我笑了我的屁股小康當我第一次閱讀這本。 Just thought I would share…Enjoy…剛才還以為我也有同感享受… …

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. 口袋克利克電槍，一位偉大的禮物送給妻子。 A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. 一個人誰購買他的妻子，可愛的口袋的優先認為他們的週年提交本： 上週末我看到的東西在拉里的手槍＆間當舖引起我的興趣。 The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. 之際，是我們15週年和我一直在尋找一點額外的為我的妻子julie.what我碰到是一個十萬伏特，口袋/錢包大中型taser.the的影響，該克利克被假定是短暫的生活，沒有長遠的不利影響您的行凶者，讓她有足夠的時間撤退到安全… … 。嗎？ 方式太酷了！長的故事，總之，我買了設備和它帶來的home.i加載2 AAA電池，在石壩事，並推按鈕。 Nothing! I was disappointed. 沒有！令我感到失望。 I learned, however, that if I pushed the button ANDpressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that itcouldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)and thought better of it. 我知道，不過，如果我推的按鈕andpressed這對金屬表面在同一時間，我想要得到的藍色電弧電力darting回到之間來回prongs 。 可怕！不幸的是，我還沒有解釋以朱莉是什麼燒傷的現場是在面對她的microwave.okay ，所以我被獨自留在家有了這個新玩具，思想，以自己itcouldn't全部壞，只有兩個三A電池，對不對？有，我坐在在我的躺椅，我的貓gracie看就整合（信任很少的靈魂） ，而我讀的方向和思路，我真的需要嘗試這件事上的肉與血移動target.i必須承認，我還以為約zapping gracie （幾分之一秒）與思考更好的資訊科技。 She is such a sweet cat. 她是這樣一個甜貓。 But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glassesperched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. 但是，如果我去，讓這件事我的妻子，以保護自己對mugger ，我本來想一些保證，它將工作作為廣告。 我錯了嗎？因此，我坐在在一條短褲和一個坦克頂與我讀glassesperched微妙對橋樑我的鼻子，方向，一方面，和克利克在another.the方向說，一個第二水管爆裂，會感到震驚和disorient您的行凶者;兩秒鐘的水管爆裂，是要引起肌肉痙攣和重大損失的身體控制; 3秒水管爆裂，聲稱將讓您的行凶者觸發器在地面上像魚的水。 Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. 任何水管爆裂，長於三秒會浪費電池。 All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5′ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’ What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…?I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ‘Don’t do it Dipshit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. 所有的同時，我期待在這個小小的裝置測量約5 '長，不到3 / 4英寸，在周長;漂亮可愛的真正和（裝有2 itsy ， bitsy三A電池）的思想，對自己說'沒有可能的方式！ '所發生的事情，其次是幾乎難以說明，但我會盡我所能… … ？我坐在那裡，僅gracie看就與她的頭部負隅頑抗，向一邊傾斜，以說， '不這樣做，它dipshit ，推理一個一秒水管爆裂，從這樣一個微小的OLE事，不能傷害了所有壞。 I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. 我決定給自己一一秒水管爆裂，只是對Heck它。 I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . i觸及prongs我赤裸裸的大腿，推按鈕，和。 . 。 . 。

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . 神聖的上帝之母。 .. .. .. .. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . 大規模殺傷性武器。 . 。 . 。 WHAT THE HELL!!! 什麼地獄！

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. 我相當肯定葉燕薇拉然在通過側門，我挑選了，在躺椅，然後身體抨擊我們都對地毯，和超過和超過一次。 I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. i依稀記得，醒來就在我身邊胎兒的位置，與眼淚，在我的眼睛，身體浸泡濕，無論是乳頭的防火，睾丸無處可發現，與我的左手臂藏下，我的身體，在oddest的立場，並在刺痛我的雙腿？貓決策meowing聲音，我從來沒有聽到之前，死抱著一個鏡框掛在壁爐上方，顯然在企圖，以避免抨擊由我的身體flopping所有超過客廳。

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor .A three second burst would be considered conservative! SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at thatpoint), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. 注意：如果您以往任何時候都覺得強迫'杯'給自己一個克利克，一注意到警告：有沒有這樣的事，作為一個一秒水管爆裂，當您zap你自己！您將不會放過這件事，直至脫落，這是從您的另一方面，由暴力痛擊約在地板上。三秒水管爆裂，將被視為保守的！ 的兒子- - 1 -蕩婦，傷害像地獄！ 1分鐘或後（我不能肯定的是，作為當時的相對的事情thatpoint ） ，我收集了我的鬥智斗勇， （這是什麼小我曾左） ，週六和調查的景觀。 My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. 我一意孤行，老花鏡分別對地幔的fireplace.the躺椅是倒掛約8英尺或使從那裡原來是。 My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. 我的三頭肌，右大腿和兩個乳頭仍在抽搐。 My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. 我的臉一樣，認為它已被槍殺與novocain ，和我的底部的唇權衡八八磅。 I had no control over the drooling. 我沒有控制權，流口水。 Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. 顯然i shit外圍自己，但過於麻木，以肯定知道和我的嗅覺消失。 I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe was came from my hair.I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!!PS My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! ‘If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.’ 我看到微弱的煙霧雲上述我的頭，而我相信是來自我hair.i '米仍在尋找我的堅果和我提供了顯著的報酬，他們安全返回！的PS我的妻子愛的禮物，而現在定期威脅我與它！ ' ，如果你認為教育是困難的，正在嘗試愚蠢的。

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 and is filed under此項目被張貼於週二， 2008年4月22日是提交下 Jokes 笑話 , ， Off Topic 小康的話題 . 。

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