Now I know this one is way off topic but I laughed my butt off when I first read this.现在我知道这是一方式小康的话题，但我笑了我的屁股小康当我第一次阅读这本。 Just thought I would share…Enjoy…刚才还以为我也有同感享受… …

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. 口袋克利克电枪，一位伟大的礼物送给妻子。 A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. 一个人谁购买他的妻子，可爱的口袋的优先认为他们的周年提交本： 上周末我看到的东西在拉里的手枪＆间当铺引起我的兴趣。 The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. 之际，是我们15周年和我一直在寻找一点额外的为我的妻子julie.what我碰到是一个十万伏特，口袋/钱包大中型taser.the的影响，该克利克被假定是短暂的生活，没有长远的不利影响您的行凶者，让她有足够的时间撤退到安全… … 。吗？ 方式太酷了！长的故事，总之，我买了设备和它带来的home.i加载2 AAA电池，在石坝事，并推按钮。 Nothing! I was disappointed. 没有！令我感到失望。 I learned, however, that if I pushed the button ANDpressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that itcouldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)and thought better of it. 我知道，不过，如果我推的按钮andpressed这对金属表面在同一时间，我想要得到的蓝色电弧电力darting回到之间来回prongs 。 可怕！不幸的是，我还没有解释以朱莉是什么烧伤的现场是在面对她的microwave.okay ，所以我被独自留在家有了这个新玩具，思想，以自己itcouldn't全部坏，只有两个三A电池，对不对？有，我坐在在我的躺椅，我的猫gracie看就整合（信任很少的灵魂） ，而我读的方向和思路，我真的需要尝试这件事上的肉与血移动target.i必须承认，我还以为约zapping gracie （几分之一秒）与思考更好的资讯科技。 She is such a sweet cat. 她是这样一个甜猫。 But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glassesperched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. 但是，如果我去，让这件事我的妻子，以保护自己对mugger ，我本来想一些保证，它将工作作为广告。 我错了吗？因此，我坐在在一条短裤和一个坦克顶与我读glassesperched微妙对桥梁我的鼻子，方向，一方面，和克利克在another.the方向说，一个第二水管爆裂，会感到震惊和disorient您的行凶者;两秒钟的水管爆裂，是要引起肌肉痉挛和重大损失的身体控制; 3秒水管爆裂，声称将让您的行凶者触发器在地面上像鱼的水。 Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. 任何水管爆裂，长于三秒会浪费电池。 All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5′ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’ What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…?I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ‘Don’t do it Dipshit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. 所有的同时，我期待在这个小小的装置测量约5 '长，不到3 / 4英寸，在周长;漂亮可爱的真正和（装有2 itsy ， bitsy三A电池）的思想，对自己说'没有可能的方式！ '所发生的事情，其次是几乎难以说明，但我会尽我所能… … ？我坐在那里，仅gracie看就与她的头部负隅顽抗，向一边倾斜，以说， '不这样做，它dipshit ，推理一个一秒水管爆裂，从这样一个微小的OLE事，不能伤害了所有坏。 I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. 我决定给自己一一秒水管爆裂，只是对Heck它。 I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . i触及prongs我赤裸裸的大腿，推按钮，和。 . 。 . 。

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . 神圣的上帝之母。 .. .. .. .. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . 大规模杀伤性武器。 . 。 . 。 WHAT THE HELL!!! 什么地狱！

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. 我相当肯定叶燕薇拉然在通过侧门，我挑选了，在躺椅，然后身体抨击我们都对地毯，和超过超过一次。 I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. i依稀记得，醒来就在我身边胎儿的位置，与眼泪，在我的眼睛，身体浸泡湿，无论是乳头的防火，睾丸无处可发现，与我的左手臂藏下，我的身体，在oddest的立场，并在刺痛我的双腿？猫决策meowing声音，我从来没有听到之前，死抱着一个镜框挂在壁炉上方，显然在企图，以避免抨击由我的身体flopping所有超过客厅。

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor .A three second burst would be considered conservative! SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at thatpoint), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. 注意：如果您以往任何时候都觉得强迫'杯'给自己一个克利克，一注意到警告：有没有这样的事，作为一个一秒水管爆裂，当您zap你自己！您将不会放过这件事，直至脱落，这是从您的另一方面，由暴力痛击约在地板上。三秒水管爆裂，将被视为保守的！ 的儿子- - 1 -荡妇，伤害像地狱！ 1分钟或后（我不能肯定的是，作为当时的相对的事情thatpoint ） ，我收集了我的斗智斗勇， （这是什么小我曾左） ，周六和调查的景观。 My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. 我一意孤行，老花镜分别对地幔的fireplace.the躺椅是倒挂约8英尺或使从那里原来是。 My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. 我的三头肌，右大腿和两个乳头仍在抽搐。 My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. 我的脸一样，认为它已被枪杀与novocain ，和我的底部的唇权衡八八磅。 I had no control over the drooling. 我没有控制权，流口水。 Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. 显然i shit外围自己，但过于麻木，以肯定知道和我的嗅觉消失。 I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe was came from my hair.I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!!PS My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! ‘If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.’ 我看到微弱的烟雾云上述我的头，而我相信是来自我hair.i '米仍在寻找我的坚果和我提供了显着的报酬，他们安全返回！的PS我的妻子爱的礼物，而现在定期威胁我与它！ ' ，如果你认为教育是困难的，正在尝试愚蠢的。

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 and is filed under此项目被张贴于周二， 2008年4月22日是提交下 Jokes 笑话 , ， Off Topic 小康的话题 . 。

Tagged with:标记：

You can follow any responses to this entry through the您可以按照任何的反应，此项目通过 Comments Feed 评论饲料 . 。 Leave A Trackback. 留下一个跟踪。 . 。

Previous Post: 先前的文章： Alpine Car Media Player高寒汽车媒体播放器 »
Next Post: 明年帖子： BlackBerry Ave.黑莓大街1号。 A social networking site.一个社会网络站点。 »
Related Reading: 相关阅读：

• Mentat BlackBerry Client - New Features And Higher Price mentat黑莓客户端-新的功能和较高的价格
• Gas Buddy to Go气体好友去
• OtterBox for BlackBerry 8700: Price Reduction otterbox黑莓8700 ：减价

Latest Posts: 最新帖子：

• Reminder: Americas BIS Upgrade/Outage Early Morning - 28th & 29th提醒：美洲之二升级/停电清晨-第二十八及第二十九
• Can I Please Stalk You… Am I The Only One?我可以请您秸秆…我是唯一一个？
• RANT! rant ！ Pulling A Vlingo - A Case Study拉一vlingo -案例研究
• Free On The Water Zen Theme For BlackBerry 8300免费对水禅的主题为黑莓8300
• Usablenet.mobi - Great List Of Mobile Friendly Websites usablenet.mobi -伟大的名单，移动友好网站